More Olney Baseball

             I heard that the city approved something like three hundred million dollars for more baseball diamonds and I was puzzled, I’ll be honest.  Didn’t make a lot of sense.  Seemed like an awful lot of money for something we already had plenty of.  But I got to thinking about it.  Got to flipping through a few randomly chosen volumes of my old friend Encylcopedia Brittanica.  I do that sometimes.  Happened onto a picture of the White House.

            I stared at that picture for a few minutes.  And the voice of Abraham Lincoln came to me as if in a dream (he does that sometimes) and he explained to me a few things that put the whole baseball diamond issue into perspective.

            You see, the White House was designed to intimidate visiting foreign leaders and diplomats.  Scare you into playing nice with someone you probably detest, or find highly suspicious in the very least.  Maybe that’s the route they’re taking with sports these days.  It wouldn’t surprise me.  I would assume it would work.

            You’re not just scraping dirt to make way for a ballfield.  You’re building a monumental stadium of a ballfield.  You’re building the Tower of Babelball.  The biggest, most elaborate and intricate and amazingly high tech blah blah blah.  Kids from the visiting teams would feel like they were walking into a modern Roman Colliseum with the gods looking down in hopes of a good clean game. 

            That alone would guarantee home field victories for at least a few seasons. 

            I’ve been saying for years that the Department of Transportation would save millions of dollars and many lives if they would just put to work a few clever psychiatrists.